Roots of anxiety and unhappiness.
When I was younger, I used to have a lot of anxiety and discontentment, I was kind of parallyzed in life. I was, to say it roughly, a professional con artist, because I was a real pro in hiding this insecurity and fear, even for my closest family and best friends. No one could ever find out.
Until there was a breakpoint a few years ago, where everything just spiralled down, I was really fucked mentally. The anxiety was parallyzing. I just felt like I could die any moment, like everyone hated me and so on. Not cool! I didn’t want to chill with the homies anymore, and I would make up excuses like: “Yeah man, I have a shit ton to do like reading this new book. Other time.” Today I also say this a lot, but now I mean it! Still I was a good actor, hiding this from my surroundings.
From that moment I slowly started reading books and did some meditation and yoga. Deep self-reflection got me some insights. Exercise and sports relieved some of the stress. During this time there was a great learning point that I discovered, that I think about often:
Instead of focussing on what is wrong with your life, what you don’t have and can’t do (a source of anxiety)
try focussing on what there is in your life that you are grateful about.
This switch can help lighten the present anxiety and eventually, after constantly reassuring this to yourself, downsizing the problem in your day-to-day life.
Here’s a list of 16 things I’m so Fucking grateful for!
16 things I’m so Fucking Grateful For:
1 rainstorms: Just the sounds alone gives me a completely relaxed feeling, like I’m standing on a small little spot on the earth, whilst not even existing. Letting go of your “Little me”-mentality and forgetting your worries and problems. Knowing that there’s way more in life than your stupid Windows that won’t update on your computer.
2 cats: These epic furry little creatures that just do whatever the hell they want! Awesome to look at: the supreme elegance of a cat just flying from point A to B with the utmost precision is refreshing. Let’s not talk about the moments of them purring on your lap, while you’re watching Breaking Bad with a good ol’ beer!
3 avocados: Weirdly shaped, green vegetables with the most perfect sphered stone inside. Lovely taste with a little (a lot!) olive oil and a very good amount of salt and pepper. Nutritious and delicious!
4 music: This can literally transform me in another world, mood, place. All while staying seated on the same place. Amazing isn’t it? Whether it are some good hip-hop beats or a nice chill loungy tune, I cannot go without it.
5 my retarded friends: Whenever I’m too much in my head, self-conscious or something, I can go to my friends and almost instantly laugh my ass off. The funniest things are being said, the most awesome things are done. Thanks, bros!
6 being a help for someone: The feeling I get when genuinely helping someone, whether it being helping a blind man cross the streets and get him to his destination or a homeless man trying a shoe, is satisfying. The epic thing about this is that the person you’re helping doesn’t even have to be thanking you. It feels good anyway.
7 warm socks in winter: Enough said.
8 comfy sneakers: In combination with #7, this is golden. Walking on clouds, litterally. Until you step in that mudd puddle… or dog shit.
9 sunshine on my face: My face just warms up comfortably, while magically drawing a smile on my face. Them good old vitamin D’s are flowing all up in my system! Love it. + it gives me a reason to wear my stupid hats!
10 a good book: Cramming knowledge in my brain is epic, but only when I feel like I’m really growing from it. Finishing the whole damn thing is the apex that I’m working towards when reading a book. ACCOMPLISHMENT. PS: A lot of books about anxiety exist as well.
11 snuggle it out: A good snuggle with my girlfriend is definitely up in my list, forgetting the past, future and everything in between. Love it 🙂 “Hey, but why isn’t it higher up the rank?” I don’t know! Get over it, move on.
12 screaming: Whenever I’m stressed, anxious, tight, and whatever shite I can have in my life. Screaming really can be a big relief, and it works wonders. Melting away stress and litteral muscle tension is a big must from going absolutely crazy.
13 the body: I don’t mean this in a bodybuilder’s way of saying: “Dude, I’m so buff and cut! BEAST MODE” (okay, maybe a little). There’s just a lot of joy in the sense of moving my body in all kinds of ways like swimming, running and dancing. Don’t neglect it, it’s the temple in your life, and you only got one.
14 the internet: Endless possibilities, from Youtube to Facebook to Twitter, to the endless blogs with loads of information (hey, have you heard about the blog “bemindfool”?). Without the internet, things wouldn’t be so awesome today. Kickstarter makes almost everything possible investment-wise, just make sure your idea doesn’t suck!
15 my family: Boohoo, how cliché! Well no one can argue about the fact it’s important. Just like any family, there are some working points. But even with these points, it always feel like home. I can chill with my family, laugh, cry. Simply LIVE. Love is what I receive, love is what I’ll send out in this world. Amen.
16 lists of things: Yes, just like this post is a list, they’re awesome aren’t they? They exist in almost any shape or form, about any subject! Don’t believe me? Check it out.